New math has always confused me. Actually, I think old math would confuse me too - but I really don't know what old math is. Or was. Whatever. The point is I am confused, befuddled and just plain boggled by math. And that's why I was so amazed to pass a math test.
I know. Shocking isn't it? I mean, it's right up there with finding life on Mars. Well, maybe not QUITE, but very close. Anyway the test I passed was an economics quiz, designed to see if the quiz taker (that would be me) understood math and money.
Well who would have thought that whole "shop till you drop" thing would have worked out so well? Thanks to a lifetime of calculating sale prices, I'm an economics whiz kid. So I designed these real-life word problems to see if you are just as savvy as I am.
1. If a train was traveling westbound at 100 MPH carrying the very last pair of the most sought after red heels of the season left the station at 10 a.m. Thursday morning and traveled a distance of 984 miles, would it make it to your house before your big date Friday with that gorgeous guy from the gym?
a) Only if the train doesn't stop at every dang station on the way.
b) Doesn't matter. Red isn't your color.
c) No. Everyone knows that if a train leaves the station with just one pair of really cute shoes, some passenger will spot them and steal them.
2. Assuming the train actually did arrive with your shoes and the shoes were marked at $120, less 4 percent off, would the final shoe price be:
a) Less than $120
b) Over $120 once you pay for sales tax.
c) Who cares? They're the LAST shoes. Being on sale is a bonus.
3. The mean average of the following amounts will become your true weight on your driver's license. The amounts are 120, 110, 189, 98. What will your true weight be?
a) 0
b) 225
c) None of the above. Your weight will depend upon getting a male or female DMV representative. If it's a male, flirt your way down to 110. If it's a female, call Jenny Craig.
4. A pair of Jimmy Choos is on sale on eBay for a "buy it now" price of $35. You know they are probably faux, but buy them anyway. How much did you save?
a) $549
b) Depends on whether they are last year's style or not.
c) Please. If they look close to real, the savings are immeasurable since nobody you know can tell the difference anyway.
5. You finally bought the latest "it" handbag after months of waiting. The only problem is that you didn't quite have the cash for it and financed it on your credit card. Assuming 18 percent interest compounded daily, how long will it take you to pay it off?
a) 10 years if you pay the minimum.
b) 3 years if you pay more than the minimum.
c) Who cares? It's the latest bag and you have it! Even if your heirs have to pay it off, it will be well worth it.
6. You bought your sister Harriet a purse at the flea market labeled "PRADO" that cost $5 as well as a genuine jade bracelet that cost $75. You bought your sister Janet an amber bracelet that cost $25 and a purse that said "COACH" and cost $5. Which sister do you like better?
a) Janet.
b) Janet.
c) Duh, you like Janet. Nobody wants a purse that says "PRADO." That's an obvious fake. At least with the "COACH" you have a chance of passing it off as real.
If you answered "c" to all of the above, you, like me, are an economics expert. Now go and shop 'til you drop. The economy needs you.
Laurie Sontag Laurie Sontag is a Gilroy writer and mom who wishes parenthood had come with a how-to-guide. Her columns are syndicated. You can contact her at Laurie@lauriesontag.com.
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