Joe Cousins can see out just one eye. But get him talking about bull riding, and he'll tear up in both.
Last year, at age 48, the lifetime San Juan Bautista construction worker decided to climb onto "Eight Mile," a massive Brahma Bull, and ride it as long as he could. He lasted two seconds - just long enough to change his life forever.
"I had been watching those riders at the (Professional Bull Riders) tour for ages and, finally, I called up the rodeo and said, 'Sign me up,'" he said. "It was the best decision I ever made."
Since then, Cousins has ridden more than 40 bulls, usually at the Green Arena event in Morgan Hill every Wednesday.
But after "G-Money" trampled his left leg - dislocating his knee and fracturing his tibia - he decided this year's rodeo would be his last.
This weekend, he plans to enter the San Benito County Saddle Horse Show & Rodeo bull riding event. On Sunday after he rides, he said he'll "take my helmet off, wave to the crowd and call it quits."
"If I had my way, I say bring a back hoe out there - I'll ride all three days then they can dig a hole and put me in it," he said. "But I'm afraid that I'll be selfish and all these people that love me and are telling me to stop will be let down if I come off in a wheelchair or dead. I guess I have to get out while I still can."
Over the hill?
The thought of being halfway through life sends some men in their 40s and 50s to sports car dealerships and tattoo parlors as they wade through a so-called "mid-life crisis." Cousins said riding bulls is no attempt to regain his youth, but instead a way of fulfilling a dream he had since he was a kid.
"I always fed the stock at the San Juan rodeo growing up. And I always wanted to be a part of the action," he said. "After my dad passed away three years ago, I decided to start going after some dreams of mine."
Cousins is a cowboy - from the soles of his Justin boots, up through his dusty Wrangler jeans and Jack Daniels coat to the top of his black cowboy hat. The only part of his outfit he's ashamed to show are his pair of crutches he's had since G-Money trampled his leg.
"You get down near the bull shoots, and no cowboy has crutches," he said. "You wont see me with crutches this weekend."
eight-second eternity
When the gate opens and the bull explodes into the arena, Cousins said the animal has one purpose - to get the cowboy off his back. He too has one purpose - to stay on that bull.
"It seems simple," he said. "But really, there's not much time to get complicated. You just gotta keep your chin down, chest forward, reach with your free arm and hold on."
During a ride, both the bulls and riders are judged. High scores are given to bulls that twist, turn, spin and rear in the most violent and unpredictable manner possible. Cowboys are given a score only if they stay on the bull for eight seconds. Then they are judged on their control and style while they ride.
Being thrown into the dirt is typically the most common way of dismounting a bull.
"The best way I can describe getting bucked off a bull is like being in a plane wreck," he said. "The force of the impact is unbelievable."
The end of an era
Gloria Braun is Cousins' longtime girlfriend. She recalled the first time he decided to enter a rodeo.
"At first I was scared," she said. "But I know how flexible his body is - he's got a kid's body. So I've supported him as best I could every time he rides."
Braun said every time her 2-year-old grandson Jason comes to visit, the first thing he asks is for his cowboy hat and to watch bull riding on television. She said when he gets old enough to ride a bull, she won't stand in the way.
But when it comes to her boyfriend, she admitted that hanging up his hat may be the best idea.
"His body is beginning to take a toll," she said. "His mind is taking a toll because he doesn't want to stop, but that's something he can work through. Whatever he does, he does with his whole heart and soul."
With tears in both his good and bad eye, Cousins said he'll miss the adrenaline rush of riding an 800-pound beast. In the end, though, it's the friendships he's formed that matter most to him.
"You'll never find better camaraderie than between a group of cowboys at a rodeo," he said. "That's what I'll take with me and that's what I'll always have."
Curtis Cartier Curtis Cartier covers the City of Hollister and public safety for the Free Lance. Reach him at (831) 637-5566 or email him.
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